Veterans Day
For Veteran’s Day, I’d like to bring attention to three non-profits who’ve helped me tremendously. I’ve never shared this publicly. In 2018, an independent doctor diagnosed me with “severe and debilitating” Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and a traumatic brain injury.
PTSD isn’t what many think it is, or at least what I thought it was. PTSD is a broad encompassing term that needs to be reevaluated. I wasn’t delusional or dangerous. What I really had was something referred to as Operator Syndrome.
It had nothing to do with my psychological response to experiences. Rather, my nervous system was wrecked. A veteran’s advocate showed me images of a brain scan. I learned the issues had nothing to do with my conscious ability to handle past or current experiences, but rather physiological changes created from overcoming fight or flight consistently for years and being in a constant state of readiness.
This coupled with a TBI produced from repeated exposure to concussive forces and an underwater blackout. To exasperate the challenges, I found out that my testosterone levels were nearly nonexistent causing issues with energy and emotional regulation. This is a problem that is common in the special operator community, although we don’t exactly know why. I lifted heavy weights but had a decreasing body weight becoming as light as I was as a teenager.
I also had blown two discs in my back. With a decline in mental clarity and emotional deregulation, you make more mistakes in conversations and decision making. More mistakes cause guilt, shame and frustration. You just don’t feel right, and you can’t just go climb a mountain, drag a tire or workout until you puke to get it all out anymore because your body won’t hold up like it used to.
It simply breaks, quite literally. Not everything was combat related. There were dark experiences in my personal life, but what can you do about any of it other than sack up and move forward, especially when people are counting on you? So that’s what I did. Ignore and override. Suppress and compartmentalize.
I came back to my room after speaking to a corporate group and found myself unable to handle any stimulus. I couldn’t have the TV or my phone on. I shut the shades. I couldn’t even read a book. I just laid on the bed and closed my eyes. Then came the tears, but I didn’t even know why I was crying. In God’s perfect timing, an old teammate called. He was my mentor in the Teams. I hadn’t heard from him in years. He told me about a place he had recently visited called Mission Within.
Through research and prayer, I decided to go. The MD, nurses and therapists were complete professionals as they administered Ibogaine and 5 MEO DMT. Ibogaine is a naturally occurring plant medicine given to us by God. It healed my brain. It was the most unbelievable and one of the most positive and healing experiences of my life. That’s all I know to say about it. It’s truly beyond words.
America’s Mighty Warriors in partnership with Kevin Lacz of Trident Solutions evaluated my blood work. They provided supplements and a prescription for pregnyl and anastrozle which boosted my testosterone levels overnight without creating a dependency on TRT. I was able to build muscle again. My body weight returned, and my metabolism started working properly.
FireIce Frogs installed a cold tub into our home. This gives me the opportunity to do something hard and continue building mental fortitude while healing my body instead of wearing it down. It reduces inflammation and increases my clarity. I also see my friend Alex Ghane’s name on the placard honoring the day he lost his life.
This reminds me that I’m still alive, life is a blessing, and I have a duty not to waste it. Please don’t thank me for my service. That’s not why I did it. I didn’t give up other opportunities to “serve” and receive recognition for my selflessness. There really wasn’t anything selfless about it. The Teams provided everything I was looking for in my life. I got more out of it than I could ever give.
II just consider myself lucky to have run with those dudes. Humbly, being deemed worthy by the most capable men I’ve ever met was the greatest honor of my life. And I’d do it all over again in heartbeat. Please follow and support these organizations and keep an open mind to natural healing processes.
Mission Within
America's Mighty Warriors
FireIce Frogs
“If you feel pain that’s good, because it means you’re still alive. If you’re still alive then you’re still in the fight. And if you’re still in the fight, then you can still win.” -BUD/S#OperatorSyndrome #PTSD #TBI #MissionWithin #AmericasMightyWarriors #FireIceFrogs #coldtherapy #VeteransDay #specialoperations #Ibogaine
